Never give Harry Potter a Time Turner
by thambu1996
Summary: Hermione soon learns why Harry Potter should never be let near a time turner. Now, his convoluted plot has become so convoluted that even he can't understand it. A CRACK PARODY TIME TRAVEL TALE, (inspired by Magical Me)


**In Loving Memory of All Time-Turners destroyed on 18th June 1995 (Except the one in Cursed Child)**

* * *

They were taking a breather. Running across the corridor at breakneck speed definitely took a toll on them. Especially Hermione, considering her lack of involvement in sports.

'You sure you can run, Hermione?'

'We need to. We have to be there before Headmaster locks the door'

'But you look like you could fall down any minute'

'We need to get to the Hospital wing, Harry. We don't have much time'

A few moments later, Harry said, 'Actually, we do', pointing to her neck.

Hermione hit with realization quickly said, 'No, Harry. That is not a good idea'

It took a few more minutes of convincing but Hermione finally conceded.

* * *

A few more turns and a few hours later, the two same teens were running again.

'Three turns should do it. How helpful', Harry said sarcastically

'It's your fault, Harry. I didn't plan on three versions of us running around.'

'As if, I knew. Last I checked, You were the time travel expert here'

Hermione huffed, 'I - At least we narrowed down the search area'

'So one more time?', Harry asked hopefully.

'One last time', Hermione said with a smile.

* * *

A few more turns and a few hours later.

'Maybe we should've got a mouse trap or a cage to hold him'

'Maybe?', Harry asked incredulously.

'Hey, You can't expect me to do all the thinking here'

'Alright. I'm not blaming you though', Harry agreed.

* * *

A few more turns and while searching for a cage. 'Hermione - what do you reckon Snape will do, when he sees the rat'

'Nothing. Legally speaking, He cannot do anything to stop freeing Sirius'

'But, you know how angry he is at Sirius and Lupin. He'll certainly try something'

'Harry, the best he might do is reveal that Professor is a werewolf. It's the only-', Hermione suddenly realized, 'We'll have to stop it. If he does that, we'll lose the best Defence teacher we've ever had'

Harry thought for a moment. 'Hermione. How about killing two birds with one stone?'

'Whatever it is, We have to do it, before we get BACK TO THE FUTURE'.

* * *

A few hours later, Hermione asked doubtfully, 'I'm still not sure how I'll agree to do this'

'Actually, You agreed to do this. Or you certainly do. This is weird'

'Condemning these two men to this fate-'

'Will most certainly solve the problem. Now-'

With that and a final turn later, two teens vanished into thin air.

* * *

A few hours later in the dawn, a loud bellowing voice of Severus Snape could be heard from the hospital wing.

'IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT LUPIN', he roared. Besides him, Minister Fudge was sitting up with a strange expression on his face.

Dumbledore gave both of them a pitiful look while holding the cage tightly. Harry and Hermione were watching it from their beds with an unexplainable look on their face.

* * *

Minister Fudge was just informed that both he and Snape were found in the middle of the forest, with bite marks. Being knocked out by the werewolf, they seemed to have injured their head and lost the memory of that day. At first, he was extremely furious. He went on ranting about executing Lupin in the middle of the Diagon Alley. But, after Pomfrey calmly informed him that, lycanthropy cannot be cured, he realized that he was doomed. Quickly he started scheming. The only way to save his own skin, he needed to work on the prejudice. More reforms on werewolf rights then. Dumbledore was more than happy to oblige and help him in this political endeavor.

Snape was suspected that he led the Minister ( 'lured' was quoted in the Daily Prophet) to be bitten. Though him being also bitten was only brought up as an additional point of argument when Snape was sacked from his position in Hogwarts. The vote was unanimous, which wasn't surprising.

A similar unanimous vote led to Lupin continuing his profession at Hogwarts.

" _The defense position is cursed. Since he is already cursed, he won't be affected by that curse again_ ", was the official statement.

Many parents gave up trying to decipher its meaning, but the simple reason was budget conservation, though only the board of governors knew it. Dumbledore was happy with the riddle-filled vocabulary he learned.

Soon, knowing that he'll never get the position he wanted, Snape vanished and was never to be heard from again. Actually, he might've been the reason for the new Vampire/Dungeon-bat folklore to popup. Many new novels about sparkling Vampires were written though Snape was the unknown inspiration.

Even Cedric Diggory dabbled into muggle cinema by acting in the film-adaptation of those novels.

Neither Harry nor Hermione ever revealed that they obliviated two people and set them up to be bitten. His sudden stroke of genius inspiration from a certain professor from second-year achieved so much within a few months. Thank him and his memory charms. Years later, Harry fought tooth and nail to name their middle born after him, but Hermione never agreed. But surprisingly, Fred did for his son before George could.

* * *

 **Author's note: I got nothing.**


End file.
